


For The Fields That I Have Gone

by risingtides



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-12
Updated: 2019-01-12
Packaged: 2019-10-08 23:51:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17396090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/risingtides/pseuds/risingtides
Summary: “I need you, Cas,” Dean confesses





	For The Fields That I Have Gone

**Author's Note:**

> This has been sitting on my computer for years so I wanted to put it out there. Season 8!Dean and Cas  
> Title from the song "I Need You" by M83

Everyone – Sam, Dean, and Kevin - in the bunker is asleep, except for Castiel. He doesn’t ever sleep much, mostly because he doesn’t need to, sitting awake for the whole night, usually perusing through all the books on the shelves. Even with the few hours of sleep he allows himself, the angel is never inherently tired. Tired of saving the world, protecting the Winchesters, and being the outcast of Heaven?

Sure, you could say Cas was tired in that aspect.

Heaven is quiet for the moment (although even if it wasn’t, Cas turned his angel radio off). Castiel allows himself the luxury of staying here with the Winchesters and Kevin, to watch over them in person. He likes being here, like being with them, not having to be a phone call away or out of reach where he couldn’t help them in time, somehow. The thought terrified him.

He watches Dean the closest. It’s always been that way. He can’t explain the sense of responsibility he feels over Dean; it’s so much stronger than Sam’s and even stronger than Kevin who, for Heaven’s sake, is the prophet. The angel would never know why he felt this profound bond with Dean, or why he felt so compelled to protect him. And not just protect him but ensure that he was happy. That was the one thing most important in his eternity of a life: keeping Dean at ease whenever possible. It was hard most times, what with the life he led, but if Cas could make him even smile, it was enough. It brought him a sense of fulfillment, one he had never truly achieved performing even the most prestigious of deeds in Heaven. Before the entire world went to shit.

If Dean was happy, Cas was too.

So when Castiel hears the quiet, muffled cries from Dean’s bedroom, the angel pauses, almost unsure if the cries were coming from Dean. Dean, the older brother, the protector, tough-guy-who-takes-no-shit. And he wasn’t just crying. They were broken, wretched sobs from his chest. Castiel couldn’t understand why. He quickly stands up from his spot on the couch, shuffling over to the door and pushing it open gently. He had learned that appearing in someone’s bedroom in the middle of the night wasn’t the appropriate thing to do and generally led to someone screaming and yelling, “Cas, you can’t just freakin’ _show up_ , Christ, you know I sleep naked!”

From his spot in the doorway, he’s not sure what to feel seeing Dean so vulnerable. He shouldn’t feel anything; angels don’t feel emotions as strongly as humans do, but Dean was _different._ It wasn’t so often that Cas found Dean crying like this; he had always found him to be boulder-like, often masking his feelings, being the strong one. The angel feels compelled to speak, to question if he’s feeling okay, but from what he’s learned from his time on Earth, that wouldn’t be the most thoughtful thing to say since he is clearly upset. Instead, he takes a few more steps, entering the room and sitting down at Dean’s feet, causing the hunter to look up from his pillow, cheeks stained with tears and eyes bloodshot. He quickly wipes at his eyes and tries to collect himself, embarrassed that he had been caught.

Cas doesn’t say anything and neither does Dean because he understands.  Sometimes, all of this is so much and Dean tries so hard to press all those feelings down under the surface, keeping them under lockdown because he was the older brother, he had to be strong for Sam like he had been his entire life. Crying meant weakness, and the last thing Dean Winchester wanted to be portrayed as was weak. Castiel knew Dean wasn’t weak, he had never thought he was. He was one of the strongest human beings he knew.

His ocean eyes just stare before slowly wrapping his arms around Dean’s waist, pulling him into a hug.  Normally Dean wasn’t one to accept hugs, but this time he didn’t say anything to Cas. In fact, Dean sat up, leaning into the angel’s arms, burying his face into his shoulder. He then proceeded to cry into Castiel’s shoulder, causing him to hold Dean tighter and closer because he wasn’t sure what else to do or say. He didn’t exactly have that instinct of how to help in a situation like this. Maybe it was just better to not say anything at all.

They stay like that for a while as Dean’s sobs carry off into quiet whimpers and sniffles. He eventually sits up to wipe his eyes, unable to make eye contact with Cas because, damn it, he’s so embarrassed, he’s not supposed to act like this. He’s supposed to be the strong one, for him and Sam and Kevin.

“Are you alright, Dean?” Cas breaks the silence first, staring at him, concerned in the only way he knows how to for Dean.

Dean does feel better, but it doesn’t distract from the fact that Sam is going through the trials and he’s _suffering_ and Dean can’t do a thing to help his baby brother.

“As alright as I can be, Cas,” he mumbles with a shrug, immediately trying to play off his own crying, “Gotta keep fighting the good fight, like always.”

If Cas could feel human emotions, he think his heart would hurt for, should hurt for Dean. He keeps a strong, sturdy hand on his shoulder, hoping it will ground him. “You don’t seem alright Dean. You were just crying on my shoulder.” He states matter-of-factly in the only way Cas knows. Oddly enough, it earns a laugh from Dean, who shakes his head in disbelief. Even if he should be used to Castiel’s lack of human social skills.

“It’s a lot Cas, you know it, you’ve seen it, you see what Sammy is going through, the stress Kevin has been under,” and he’s suddenly spilling his guts out to the only other person he can talk to, the only one who for once isn’t under the insane amount of stress and pressure they’re all used to simultaneously being crushed by, “And you don’t need any of this either, Cas, you’ve got your own shit to deal with, for God’s sake, you’re an _angel_ ,” he continues in disbelief, “Yet you’re here listening to me go on about my human problems.”

Dean immediately wants to throw up. He can’t recall the last time he got the mushy with anyone other than Sam, and it’s always covered up by him grabbing beer and a pizza and pretending it never really happened.

“Dean,” Castiel starts, moving his hand to rest gently against his neck, stroking his thumb along a vein, “You are human, yes, but these things you are dealing with are not inherently mere human problems,” Dean is staring back at him with those big, glistening eyes of his, still wet with tears and tinged red, “And I will always be here, Dean. For you. To protect you.”

Dean is the one to surge forward to kiss Cas first, pulling him into a hungry, needy kiss and Castiel knows he can’t fix Dean in the way he wants to, but if this is his contribution to keeping Dean whole, he won’t fight that.

“I need you, Cas,” Dean confesses against his lips before reeling him back in, hands on his coat collar to hold him close.

“I’m right here,” Castiel assures him quietly, letting himself fall back in against Dean’s lips, licking into his mouth, strong hands on either side of his face as falls back onto Dean’s bed, never breaking the kiss.

-

He takes care of Dean in a way he’s only dreamed of. Cas replaces the tears with kisses, quiet sounds of appreciation, and grins wider than Cas has seen in a long time. It doesn’t fix everything, doesn’t halt the impending doom of the world, but when he sees Dean’s blissed out expression, rosy cheeks, and swollen lips, he likes to think that being a piece of his happiness is enough.

And Castiel wouldn’t mind sharing more of these moments with Dean, to give him something to hold on to, something to remember when everything else seemed like it was going to hell.

It was his duty, after all.


End file.
